Being Transformed by the Renewal of…Habits

Posted on March 17, 2013 by lettersfromheartscontent
“I exhort you both so to esteem virtue (without which friendship cannot exist), that, excepting virtue, you will think nothing more excellent than friendship.” —Cicero, last sentence of “On Friendship”

When I read this passage this morning I thought of 2 Peter 1:4-8, where he says

  • “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;   and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.”

Faith acts by putting into practice what it believes, and it is the behavior of our lives, not the mental assent to values, that defines our virtue.

I read this too, by Pascal:

  • “We must resort to habit once the mind has seen where the truth lies, in order to steep and stain ourselves in that belief…, for it is too much trouble to have the proofs always present before us.”

Once we know the truth we live it out and don’t need to continually go back to the source to be convinced. It becomes the fabric of our lives.

I love this description of what it takes to make a necessary change, spoken by Hamlet:

  • “Assume a virtue if you have it not.
    That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat,
    Of habits devil, is angel yet in this:
    That to the use of actions fair and good
    He likewise gives a frock or livery
    That aptly is put on. Refrain tonight,
    And that shall lend a kind of easiness
    To the next abstinence, the next more easy.”

In my final year of college I came to love Christ, who was the only way out of my sin and cynicism. Having encountered Christ through the Bible, in fellowship with people who had the audacity to live out a robust faith, and through the breath of the Holy Spirit in my life, I did create certain habits that changed me… well, forever.  I began to read the Bible morning by morning and to pray.  I trained my heart to see others through a wider lens and not from my own perspective, so that I saw them something as God does, cheering anything that is praiseworthy. Whether I felt like going or not, I went to church on Sunday mornings to worship with others. Thank You, God, for leading me to steady behavior in these ways.

And now I am asking God to help me trim the clutter of my life, both physical and mental, so I can continue to grow in virtue, forming new habits that cultivate goodness.  I love to see godly character in my mentors, to see evidence of it in me, and to see it in my children.

To my dear and precious friends: Christ is expressed through your very lives and I am more alive because of your affection for me, and His through you. Truly, one of the richest gifts in this life is a good friend, and the more real we are through habitual obedience to Christ, the richer our fellowship is. The virtue of your lives encourages me to take bold steps in your company. Thanks.

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Where Gems are in Motion

Posted on March 4, 2013 by lettersfromheartscontent

Robbo and I treated ourselves to a once-in-a-lifetime vacation for our 25th anniversary.  Usually we spend three days in February at a seaside resort in Maine, where prices are deeply discounted for obvious reasons.  This year we felt the draw to a warmer and sunnier climate; I was restless to get outside and get active. Through the advice of a good buddy of Robbo’s, we chose Belize, a former English colony on the east coast of Central America. For $70 a night we had a room that lacked something in luxury but gave us a homebase for the week.

Robbo arranged for a half-day fishing trip and after a good part of a day with Daniel and his son, Danny, we arranged to spend a full day later in the week.  Between the two trips and the water-taxi that took us to and from the barrier islands, we spent a lot of time out on the water. I could never get enough of it.

liquid gemstone

liquid gemstone

Perhaps because the water is usually 1 to 5 feet deep with a white-sand bottom, the blues and greens were like nothing I have ever seen.  Neither flowers, nor birds, nor skies in my experience prepared me for these colors. The water was like liquid gems: jade, emerald, topaz, diamond.

Pelican and the jade sea

Pelican and the jade sea

 

Our last day in Belize, I received the email from my church to say Dr. Koop was in his final hours. His son is our pastor, and Chick Koop attended, though lately he has been too frail to make the trip from Hanover.  I have always been tongue-tied around him because when I was a music teacher in Montgomery County Public Schools outside D.C., he was local and national news.  However, Robbo never knew him in that context and engaged Chick in  battles of repartee. They enjoyed a running banter between them.

Later that day we left Belize by water-taxi, a 90 minute ride at top speed from the islands back to the mainland.  As we rode on the open deck, bathed in tropical sun and drinking in my last sight of these colors, I thought of heaven. This brilliant light, these rich and surprising colors, are just a shadow, an echo of what we will find there.   I thought of Dr. Koop and how he would shortly be leaving that old, worn out husk of a body behind. He would be coming at last to a world that exceeds the Caribbean in color and warmth and light and joy.

And he has done. Now he is young and his eyes are clear and his limbs have lost their stiffness.  He sees the Lord as He is, and worships with joy inexpressible. Dr. Koop is on his everlasting holiday while we work in the cold and dark.  Someday we will lay our work down and join him.

Goodbye, Dr. Koop.

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I know what Barnabas is doing this summer…

Posted on February 11, 2013 by lettersfromheartscontent

I hardly slept last night.

When Robbo and Barnabas returned last night from their Mandala Fellowship Retreat, they came brimming with stories to tell.  This 48 hour whirlwind sample of Leigh Bortin’s Mandala Fellowship captured both son and husband. Barnabas is sure this is what he wants to do next year, in spite of having in hand his acceptance from Covenant College.

Leigh Bortin’s brainchild covers the last four steps of the Seven Liberal Arts. Her first program, Classical Conversations, provides a K-12 curriculum in the Trivium—grammar, dialectic, and rhetoric—but most colleges don’t go on to complete the classical Liberal Arts. The Quadrivium is Arithmetic, Geometry, Harmony (Music) and Astronomy. Leigh’s idea is to assemble a cohort of students fewer than 24 to study with herself and two mentors the art of mathematics, to explore the beautiful mathematical order which exists throughout all studies. Arithmetic and Geometry are the studies of numbers and shapes; Music Theory and Astronomy are numbers and shapes in motion.

The first Mandala runs from this June to May. It includes two weeks in Europe in the context of Art history. The students live on their own in villas by a lake, shopping and learning to cook, taking on the responsibilities of an adult. They learn to put others before themselves, and serve in the community in work and teaching projects.

Yes, but …why?  When Barnabas began to talk, we knew he was born to communicate, and when he took a pen in hand we saw his natural gift for proportion and elegance in creative writing.  What does all this math have to do with his future career?  Well, if the concepts of mathematics underlie all man’s endeavors, even the fine arts, then my son’s mind and conscience will be formed and strengthened by this immersion. He will gain a high view of the world, a broader vision.  There is plenty of clever writing in this culture that reveals an empty mind. This year of study will root him in the sense that truly all things cohere, that through Christ and in Him and to Him are all things. Later, when he engages with the great literature of Western Civilization, this study of the order and proportion, balance and movement of the world will be the bedrock of his thought.

But more than that, here he will have what he has missed for so long in our quiet backwater of Vermont: daily meaningful relationships with other fine minds, in person. This team of students will become family. The mentors will become lifelong friends. A year with Leigh Bortins, who sees more than the shadows on the wall in Plato’s cave, will leave her imprint on him forever, and to mark him may very well be to mark another generation.

But you know what God has done?! He took my failure to give Barnabas a first class education, especially in math, and He has redeemed it. It is the focus on creative math and music theory, both things I should have taught well but did not, that hooked me and inspired me to shoo them along to this retreat. My failure led to this marvelous opportunity.  Astounding thought.

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The Open Bridge

Posted on February 3, 2013 by lettersfromheartscontent

2013-02-03 16.16.23It is cold outside. In fact, the forecast for this week is for highs and lows all below freezing.  While it was around 25 degrees this afternoon, I took my bike out for a short ride because, like nearly every one else, I am out of shape and restless for exercise. I rode down to the newly opened bridge, as I often did on my summer rides before the bridge washed out in 2011.

I thought I would miss the smell of wood permeated with drips of engine oil, like an old garage, but even in this cold I could tell it smelled like new lumber, something that has pleasant associations for one who has lived through more additions to our house than I can number. (Did you know Yankee Candle has a scent for men called “2 x 4”?  And yes, it smells like newly cut wood!)

When I am not outside testing myself against windchill, I have a place in a rocking chair by the woodstove to which I can retreat for some quiet reading time. I don’t have much of it, but what I am reading keeps tugging me over. My open books are Saving Leonardo by Nancy Pearcey, Plato’s Gorgias, The Politically Incorrect Guide to English and American Literature, How Does a Poem Mean by John Ciardi, Gospel-Powered Humility by William Farley, Humility by Andrew Murray. (At my bedside are Dean’s Watch by Elizabeth Goudge and The Great and Terrible Quest by Margaret Lovett, as well as Hamlet, but those are for unwinding before I sleep.)

I am fascinated by the concept of culture’s values and the place of the Arts in communicating them.  Even though I taught as a music teacher, I was never convinced the fine arts were essential to our individual and communal well-being. And yet, even before I began to be persuaded, I had introduced poetry reading to the dinner table in order to rescue our conversation from mind-numbing blather. And lo! I discovered my kids and husband can engage their fine minds to something more exciting than sophomoric humor, making connections to things they have learned elsewhere and thereby enriching me, as well.

I was out the night they saw Dead Poets Society (which I saw once upon a time) but since then my husband and the teens have brought it up often. The introductory essay in How Does a Poem Mean?, which I have been reading aloud recently, has sparked good conversation about poetry.  They tell me what they learned in Dead Poets confirms what they are hearing in the essay.  The essay tells us we cannot give poems the scientific treatment.  “Oh! That’s like when the teacher has them rip out the pages of the book!” they said.  This satisfies some deep part of my soul, which isn’t content to make meals, clean bathrooms, and oversee lessons.  I cherish these discussions!  They often turn to address our destructive habits, such as time-wasting on internet.  The things I would like to change in my home but seem to have no power to address head-on, the kids bring up naturally after they encounter a poet.

It is no coincidence that a couple of my books are saying the same thing: that poesy (imaginative writing) speaks truth as truly as instructive writing, but that it can have greater power to move us. Yes!  For quite a while I have been focusing on non-fiction reading or Bible study to the point of being overstuffed and soul-sick. They teach me what I should do, but lack the power to move me to do it. Yet literature sets a permanent model in my heart for me to follow.  I want to be like Huon in The Great and Terrible Quest, utterly determined to do right by the boy he is helping. Hamlet reminds me not to let an opportunity pass to confront wickedness when my duty is clear. (But when dither, I will know what is happening because I have seen it in Hamlet.)

So. No dithering; my duty is clear. It is time to do the hard work of exercise. I will continue to read poetry as well as the Bible to lead my children into wisdom. I will dip into poesy and books about it every opportunity I get.  After all,  they are a bridge over the flood of everyday affairs and a way to wisdom.

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Psalm 119:59, 60

Posted on November 10, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent
“I considered my ways and turned my feet to Your testimonies.
I hastened and did not delay to keep Your commandments.” Ps. 119:59, 60
 

Some friends and I saw Richard III at Paramount Theater last night. The director chose to trim the play down from three hours to two, and while I am grateful I wasn’t out later than I was (I pulled in the driveway at midnight), I do regret the truncated story. Shakespeare contrasts Richard’s life of manipulating self-service to Richmond’s allegiance to enduring values of justice and truth. Richmond is gracious, where Richard is harsh. Richmond shows respect for both his nobles and his soldiers; Richard respects no one and is left utterly alone. Richmond would die to serve his beloved England; Richard abuses England to serve his hateful self.

This contrast was lost in last night’s abridgement and I missed it. Perhaps the director doesn’t value these eternal truths and saw the last act as posturing. Heaven knows, we have lost faith in leaders to hold to something greater than self-interest. But in reading Richmond’s willingness to fight and die to right gross injustice I find encouragement to fight my own battles. He displays the nobility I want to characterize the rest of my life.

The commands of God express of the physics of the moral universe. Just as we defy the laws of gravity to our regret, the laws of God define what is upright. Why would I not study them and then abide by them?

But I haven’t. I have been working my way through Psalm 119:57-63 in blogs about each verse. These verses have kept me silent because I recognize I have lost the eagerness I once had to align myself with God’s commandments. They challenge me.

The book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp gives me a hopeful vision for starting anew, today, now. She teaches me the necessity of thanks-giving and its connection to joy and a healthy soul.  I am building a habit of seeing God’s gifts throughout my day, instead of playing the dreary refrain of my weakness and failure.

So, I have considered my ways and I will hasten to turn to and keep God’s commandments, most consciously the one to give thanks in and for all things.

“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.” Ps. 106:1
 
“It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to Thy name, O Most High;
to declare Thy lovingkindness in the morning,
and Thy faithfulness by night.” Ps. 92:1,2
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Something to think about today from Tom Chantry

Posted on November 8, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent

How I Absorbed Three Punches and Stood Up Anyway.

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The Joy Dare

Posted on November 8, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent

It’s embarrassing.

A drive through two years of blog posts uncovers a pattern of depression and anxiety in the late fall and winter.  If I have joy in the sunlight and new growth of spring and summer, it all shrivels up in late fall and winter.

This week I stumbled upon this: http://www.aholyexperience.com/joy-dares/

Author Ann Voskamp invites us to look for gifts from God each day–the little and large for which we can give thanks.

We can wing it, listing three things a day we discover on our own, or we can use her prompts.There are some really good ones here, and I can’t complain about having some ready-made ideas for those dry days.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/JoyDareCollection.pdf

I have decided to record my list in a blog draft and publish it once a month, but I have to change WordPress themes because this one makes every “enter” a new paragraph.  Agh!

I purchased her book One Thousand Gifts and I am enjoying it, though it probably isn’t for everyone. She is a poet–a word foodie–a skilled editor. She uses apt metaphors and trims to the bone.

Posted in Literature, Poetry, Stories of Home, Writing about writing | 2 Comments

Promises

Posted on November 5, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent

This afternoon I pushed away from my laptop and lesson plans to go for a walk outside.  The fresh air and wide expanses did me good, and it didn’t hurt that I could not longer check emails, weather reports, and news stories. On the way back, in the steeply slanting late afternoon sun I saw snowflakes.  I couldn’t believe it and froze in my tracks to make sure. I was disgusted and not a little panicked.

And in my reaction of fear I paused, rewound the tape, and played a new song.  This year, starting yesterday, I am looking for the gifts God sends.  In those flakes I see the promise of beautiful snowfalls, fluffy snow on bare limbs, laughter with the kids in coats and hats. Winter has many benefits and that is where I will train my thoughts.

My brain has done me no favors by dwelling on the dark, painful things of this world. I’ll be transformed by the renewing of my mind, thank you.

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Psalm 119:58

Posted on October 27, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent

I sought Your favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to Your word. Psalm 119:58

I can hardly grasp this grace God has toward us. Since childhood I have kept myself in reserve, holding back from giving my whole heart in any endeavor, to any person. As it dawned on me in my early twenties the extent of God’s gracious lovingkindness toward this sinner, the light of truth began to rise in my haunted soul.  No doubt about it–my inner landscape enjoys the full light of day where once it was a dangerous midnight. Wicked creatures still lurk in the shadows, but I live in a heart of live-giving light.

David says he sought God’s favor–His grace–at the time he had promised to keep His words (the verse preceding this one). Frequently in the Psalms David asks God to be gracious: “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to You I cry all day long.” Ps. 86:3  We do not ask once only!  May it be with a whole heart: “Unite my heart to fear Your name.  I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart.” Psalm 86: 11,12

David looks confidently back to God’s Word and to personal experience to ask, “You have said you will be gracious to me. I ask for it; I trust You will.” He was thinking of Exodus 34:6, where God revealed Himself to Moses, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth…” David refers to this again in Ps. 103:8, “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.” Paul applies it to as yet unrepentant sinners in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Honestly? It is taking me a lifetime to understand this.  I think I get it, and then I slip into thinking God cannot be gracious to me this week because I particularly do not deserve it.

But His word cannot be broken, and He said.

I seek this favor with my whole heart. You have been, You are, and You will be gracious to me. And one day I will no longer have a shadow of a doubt.

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Meditation on Psalm 119:57-64, one verse at a time

Posted on October 26, 2012 by lettersfromheartscontent

The Lord is my portion; I have promised to keep Your words. Ps. 119:57

When I was a new Christian, 21 years old and fresh out of college, all life was new. New location (Maryland), new career (teaching music), new church and friends. New is sometimes terrifying.  Many, many, many days began or continued with me crying out to the Lord for wisdom and strength.  All success in those days was due entirely to Him, because frankly, I was an inexperienced teacher and a small town girl living in the Big World.

I learned to read the Bible daily and to apply it.  After a lifetime in education that pretends there are no absolutes, I found it refreshing to hear it straight: This is how this life works. Reject this truth and we will suffer natural consequences.

I promised I would spend ten minutes a day in a formal Quiet Time, reading and praying, every day for the rest of my life. (The speaker suggested five minutes, but in my hubris and ignorance–I had no children at the time!–I vowed ten.) Wisdom has always been my greatest need and my steadfast prayer. Please, God, don’t let me be a fool; let me learn Your wisdom so I may walk in a manner that pleases You and blesses others. I am happiest when I keep His Word.

But truthfully, in my middle-age I have relaxed from the tenacity of my youth. A common condition, I think. When I consider just how much young people need wise mentors today, remembering my desperate pleas for one, I know I do not have the luxury of complacency.  It is as important to keep God’s Word today as it was when I had responsibility I was inadequate to meet. I may be more competent but somehow total sufficiency eludes me.  Still need that wisdom!

The Lord is my portion, everything I truly need, the source of all supply. Help me remember my need, so I may face You with my hands empty and open.

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